A True Love Story
by roanna
Summary: I just put a comment on his photo and guess what? "Thanks for the comment. I love you. Mwuah." "'til when did you start loving me?"  "It's none of your business. I love you Mikan Sakura." A true to life story of online relationship turning to real one.
1. Chapter 1: How I Met You

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice and its character.**

**Author's note: This is a true to life story. Hope you enjoy and bear it :D  
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**Chapter 1: How I Met You**

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I was in my second semester in first year college that time when I knew him. I was an addict in online games, and he was one of my guild mates. He was a high-ranked person, a leader that earns respect from different person. He is one of the strongest, while I was just a commoner, looking at his command in the screen.

I was shy to talk neither to him nor to everyone else whom I do not know, that's why I just add every members of the guild so they'll know me in a certain social networking. Our guild has a site, and everyone's personal data is posted there. I searched every members name in the social network called friendster. I somehow succeeded on looking on everyone's name and I added them. When I typed his name which is 'Natsume Hyuuga', a picture of a girl appeared and the profile seems to be girlish. I was confused so what I did was ask if he/she is a girl. Our conversation ended up like this:

"Excuse me. Are you an onii-chan or an onee-chan?" Since Kuro-neko was on command, I used the guild chat and waited for the reply. I hoped that he/she is not snobbish and arrogant because I wanted to make a friend.

_"Aw, I'm an onii-chan."_

"Whoa, I thought you were a girl since when I typed your name on the friendster, a picture of a woman appears."

_"Oh, sorry about that. I don't use my name there; I use my character's name here in the game. If you want I can add you. Just give me your e-mail."_ He replied back. Wow that was a fast hand huh?

"Okay, my e-mail is **********." A moment later he replied back saying he already added me. I checked my friendster and there he was on my friend request list. I accepted it and I looked at his photo. Well... He looks old with those beards growing and a mustache. He also is topless in his photo while he lies down on his right arm, showing his armpit. EWW! His eyes were kind of tired, like he doesn't have enough sleep. I kept on looking at his photos; I could say that there are decent shots, like the one when he's wearing a jersey shirt giving a smirk. He's kind of cute actually. His teeth are perfect, his lips are kissable, and his eyes are giving me chills down my spine, like piercing you or stabbing you whenever he looks at you.  
>I gave a comment in his photo saying he's cute and he should always smile. I logged off after that and rested for the day. When the night passed and morning came, I immediately logged in on my friendster. Wow, a new message? Who might this be?<p>

I checked it to see:

_One message from Natsume Hyuuga_

I clicked it and was like this:

_"Thanks for the comment. I love you. Mwuah."_ Okay? That was flirty of him. Sigh, anyway this is not new to me. Every time, if other players knew that I'm a girl, they'll add me up and flirt with me. Since Natsume is cute, maybe I can play along with him? I replied back, saying:

"Hahahaha 'til when did you start loving me?" After a few minutes of browsing my profile, a new message arrived.

_One message from Natsume Hyuuga_

Oh come on, that's too fast! I opened it and he says:

_"It's none of your business. I love you Mikan Sakura."_ Whoa, he gets on my nerve! Maybe I should just get online and play. I typed my username and password as usual and waited for the server to connect. Alright, time to kick some ass! I chose my main character named Mikan and logged on. I was surprised that someone just greeted me in the guild chat. Wait, it's Kuro-neko a.k.a. Natsume Hyuuga.

_"Hello Mikan."_

"Hi onii-chan!" I greeted him back.

_"Aw, you shouldn't call me onii-chan, it looks like I'm so old. I'm just three years older than you are."_ Right, I haven't told you that I am 16 years old and he was 19.

"But I wanted to call you onii-chan!"

_"Tch, alright :( ."_ So emo... After that conversation, we went to our usual routine. I bid goodbye and he told me to see him again tomorrow.

**Ö**

Another day came and I wanted to play badly, see how addicted I am? Before everything else, I did the house chores and ate my food. I rushed to the computer to log in and play. While I was waiting for everything to get read by the computer, I was busy reading what the people are saying in the chat. Suddenly, Natsume greeted me and told me they're having a player vs. player mode in a certain place in the game. I went to where it was, and I tried to join them.

At first Natsume is commanding his friends who are also well known in the game to kill their other friend. When Natsume spotted me, he told everyone, I mean EVERYONE, to kill me! I ran but I failed to because they're too strong. Poor me.

I came back again just to get killed by them. Why did I become a victim here? Even though I always get killed, I don't feel annoyed at all. It was kind of fun actually.

"You already raped me many times now! You should take responsibility!" I typed in the guild chat, obviously accusing Natsume.

_"It's my pleasure, milady. Just so you know, I'll be the one begging you to be my wife."_ He replied back. I was too shocked to say anything, good thing the war between races has started already that s why he's too preoccupied. After that, we did our usual routine again in the game and logged out.

**Ö**

The next day when I played, he didn't talk to me nor greeted me so I let myself be busy, killing monsters and leveling up, harnessing my skills, practicing and improving my game play. I concentrated so much that I didn't even care what's happening around me. Suddenly, someone sent me a personal chat, it was Kuro-neko.

_"Babe."_ I was like O_o .

"Babe?" I asked him.

_"Yes, babe."_ He answered back.

"When did we become boyfriend-girlfriends?" I asked again.

_"Yesterday. Remember when I raped your character? I am taking responsibility of you..."_ Natsume said. Oh, I get it. I was just joking back then! He did take it seriously, didn't he?

"Oh," was all I could answer.

_"Why? Don't you like me babe?"_ Hmm. Let me think. Alright, it's just a game relationship, nothing will harm me.

"Can you just call me baby?" I don't want to be called babe duh.

_"Okay, I love you baby."_ And that's how I ended up with a jerk.

"You do know that I have a boyfriend in real life right?"

_"Really? Well that's fine for me."_ Oh, I see. I thought so. He s just playing like me. Didn't I tell you that I have three boyfriends?

**-End of Chapter 1-**


	2. Chapter 2: How I Gave My Life to You

**Disclaimer: I own the story plot but not Gakuen Alice.**

**Author's Note: Mikan is talking to Natsume here, like a letter maybe? I used the characters to portray the person who really had this love story. So expect OOCness of the character :D  
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**Chapter 2: How I Gave My Life to You**

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After telling everyone that I am yours, we always do chat using yahoo messenger. We get to know each other, we tell stories about ourselves, we open up our problems, and many more. I learned that you don't have a girlfriend, and you broke up with her over a year. You told me your relationship lasted for almost 7 years, after that, you had a girlfriend for just a few months and another one for 1 year.

"Why did you break up with your girlfriend for almost 7 years?"

"She cheated on me." You told me that's the reason. How come a good looking guy like you got cheated?

(Maybe you're wondering why I just said that he's a good looking guy. Well when we chatted, he let me see him with his video camera. He was topless that time, wearing a big headset with mic in his head. His skin looks soft and fair, his smile is so perfect it could kill me from loving it, and his looks are stunning. He is perfect. He's so beautiful I can't stop looking at him and I literally drooled, good thing we don't have a video camera that time. Bleh.)

Honestly, I'm possessive even though I have boyfriends. I only want you to look at me. I tried to compute when you had your last girlfriend and I was surprised that it was just this year. I was confused and I am suspecting you of lying to me, but hey, that's already in the past so I just let it through.

There was this time when you told me:

_"You know what, I'm jealous with your boyfriends. I want you to stay with me. Just me."_ Uh-huh! Another possessive psycho like me! Because of that, I broke up with them. I don't know why but I feel something about you. Something they call... love? I thought that I should be fair so I did it, because you told me I am your only girlfriend and you love me. Anyways what do I care about those three? I don't even love them, so it's not hard to let them go. The reason is not only to be fair and because I don't love them, I think it's because this time, for real, I am in love. I left them for you.

"I just broke up with them." I told you.

_"Really? Are you serious?"_

"Of course I am." When I told you that, you suddenly gave me an aura of happiness.

"I love you that's why I left them." I smiled to myself after that.

**Ö**

I remembered something. You are such a pervert!

_"Can we have sex?"_ You asked me out of the blue. Geez how pervert, we haven't even seen each other and you're telling me to have sex with you? Good gracious.

"I'm not ready for that yet." I answered back but still you plead to me to do it with you.

**Ö**

Do you remember when you avoided me because of something that happened between me and my first boyfriend? I told you he kissed me and he already held my breast. You are such a jerk don't you know that? What if he held it? You are so unfair, you already had sex with your ex-girlfriend and I wasn't as furious as you are. _Possessive bastard._

However, it seems that you can't avoid me. HA! You love me that much aren't you? After a few days you talked to me. How dare you not talk to me because of your damn pride?

Everything seems to be fine with us after that, but when I looked at your profile in your friendster, you changed your featured friend. You removed me from your list. That hurts a lot you know... When I got curious to who was the girl (slut #1) you put in my place, I asked you who it was.

_"She's just a friend. It was random and all and I didn't know who those featured friends are."_

"I don't care. Why did you remove me? Are you cheating on me?" I asked anger evident in my aura.

_"No I'm not cheating on you. So please don't get angry with me. I'm sorry."_

"Hmp!" I just answered that out of annoyance. When I checked your profile again, your featured friend is me _only_. I am still angry even if you did that.

**Ö**

You sought the help of our friend, Kokoro Yome. Koko asked me this:

_"Hello Mikan-chan. Where do you study?"_

"Why are you asking?" I narrowed my eyes as your message bugs me.

_"Nothing, I just wanted to know."_

"Gakuen Alice." I answered. But oh wait, that Natsume bastard is close to you!

"Who is the one who's asking that really? TELL ME."

_"Err Natsume did."_ My life is ruined now! After receiving his message, another message popped out but it was not from Koko. It was from you.

_"See you soon baby. I love you."_ WHAT THE ^*&*%&(*)& is happening?

"You don't love me. So why bother going to see me?"

_''It's because I love you."_ As if I believe your crap.

**Ö**

It's Monday today, and the day of the school's summer examination. I was in question #43 when my classmate's phone rang.

(I do not have my own phone, since my parents knew about my first boyfriend, they restricted me from using it therefore I am using my friend Anna's phone.)

I panicked and got the phone from her and dashed away from the classroom.

_"Hi baby, I'm already here in front of the gate of your school."_

"WHAT! I'm on my examination today, give me a sec! Wait for me there!"

_"Okay baby, I love you. See you later."_

After that I ran to my room again, panting and I tried to answer the questionnaire, and guess what? I am having a mental block! Shit shit, just pick a random answer! He's waiting there outside, it's just 7 points!

After finishing my examination, all of my friends stalked me. I went outside the school and looked for you. I looked at my front, right and left. BOO, there you are wearing a sunglasses! One of my friends Wakako asked if you are the guy with the sunglasses, I nodded and all of them literally shook their bodies out of excitement.

"Go now and greet him! He might get taken away from you if you don't." Wakako whispered. I gulped hard and went to where you are. I think you were asleep that time because you don't even budge, that's why i kicked your legs. You looked up and smirked when you saw me in front of you. You stood up, and fuck, you are so tall! I was like in your chest level! I looked at you for a second and I turned around, blushing hard because of your handsomeness. I signaled you to follow me and I introduced you to my friend. Since it was lunch time, I invited you to eat with us. I am a bubbly person and I'm so talkative, but why can't I speak in front of you?

You encircled your arms on my shoulder and you pulled me into you. "Why are you shy baby?" You asked me while I just looked down because of embarrassment. You hugged me while we're walking, and everyone was looking at us. When we arrived at the cafeteria, my friend left me and they seated on the other table, while we were seated in a table for two. When we ordered our food, you still held me in your arms.

"Oh my, what a loving couple!" The woman giving out the food in the cafeteria said. You just smiled and I looked down again, from embarrassment. We went to our seat after that, but you forgot to get us a drink.

"What do you want? My treat." You asked me.

"Ahm... Iced tea?" I answered not looking at you.

"Okay, wait for me here." You stood up and went to the vendor. I felt someone staring at me, so I looked around. It was not just a _someone. _It was EVERYONE! I looked at my friends begging them to sit with me but they didn't want to.

"We don't want to disturb you so just sit there with him." Anna whispered. I was pouting back then and I mentally cried. You came back with two iced tea and we started eating.

I am not used to someone staring at me while I'm eating so in the end, I didn't finish my food. Thanks to _you._

"Hey Mikan, can we copy your assignment in physics? Please!" Anna pleaded.

"Okay. I'll finish it before class." I answered them. You just stared at me confused so I explained to you what's going on.

"I love math... I had 1.0 in algebra on my first year that's why I am everyone's hope if the subject is about math. They kind of suck in it, so I at least help them by lending my assignment or giving them the answer in the quiz or examination."

"So you're that smart huh?" You asked me.

"My brother is a mathematician. Way back when he was in high school, he got 99.96 as his grades. My another two brothers are honors when we were in elementary but because of the computer, they got addicted to it and they lost interest in studying."

"It runs in the family isn't it?" You told me. "When I too was in high school, I am the school's representative in declamation and other forms of match that is a scope of English subject. When I was 2 years old, I learned to speak in English not our national language." I was like Ö that time. That explains why you have the American accent when you speak.

Lunch time is already over that's why we went to my classroom. I introduced you to my other friend Sumire.

"Do you have a twin brother?" Sumire asked you. You shook her head and smiled at her.

"Aww, that's too bad. If you have a twin then maybe he could be my boyfriend. You're so handsome!" She shouted and you just laughed at her. Sumire asked our other classmates to leave us two alone and they even closed the windows and the door to give us privacy. After that, I can hear some squealing and teasing sounds coming from them.

"Hehe, guess they left us alone?" I asked you. We sat on a chair and I was in your left. We held hands and I am looking at your sunglasses.

"Why don't you remove your glasses?"

"I look hectic because I didn't have enough sleep last night. I was thinking about you." You answered back.

"Just remove it... I want to see your eyes." I told you. You removed it and yes, your crimson eyes look tired. Still, you look handsome.

"You told me you don't know how to kiss right?" You asked me... I really didn't know how to do french kiss and you said you'll teach me. LOL! I nodded and you came closer to me. I am hesitant at first, and my heart is beating so fast it will explode. I looked into your eyes and you look into mine. Our lips are just centimeters apart, and I saw you close your eyes and I closed mine. We shared our first kiss, letting your tongue enter my mouth. It feels good to kiss you. You taste good and I am craving for more. I opened my eyes because someone might see us. I looked at the window and the door and I sighed in relief. When I looked into your eyes, it's telling me that you want more. You kissed me again, this time longer than before. I stopped the kiss again and you groaned.

"Let's go to a motel." You said desperately.

"I don't want to. Pervert. Besides I have my menstrual period today."

"I don't care, just go with me. I want you badly." I moved closer to you, and you shifted yourself in the chair.

"Are you teasing me?" You asked me.

"What do you mean?"

"You are touching my _friend_. And it's hard. You should take responsibility of this and come with me in the motel."

"Really? Can I see your _friend_?" I looked at your pants and it was bulging.

"Ehehehe?" I laughed, sweat dripping down on my face. I was saved by the bell when my classmates entered the room. Whew, thank goodness.

"Where can I buy some drink? Can you come with me?" You asked me. I nodded and stood up, signaling you to follow me. When we arrived at a small cafeteria inside the school, the lady who gave you the drink stared at you. She smiled and looked at me.

"Is he your boyfriend?" I nodded in response and smiled at her.

"He's handsome. You're so lucky." She said and walked away. I can feel you smirk. Maybe your head is getting big now because of what the lady said. ZZZZZZZZ. After that we went back to my classroom. We sat on the left side of the room on the second row and you seat in the class. Minutes later, you asked me where the comfort room was. I then again signaled you to follow me and we went outside of the classroom. As we walk by, I saw some group of girls looking at you. When we were away, they squealed and whispered so loud (call that whispering, tch) how handsome you are. Tch, another smirk came from you. Maybe you have a hydrocephalus now since they've been praising your_ handsomeness_. We went back after that and my class started so you seat-in.

It was already the end of my class and it's time for you to go home. We were walking to the gates when my brother saw me with you. My eyes widened and he narrowed his eyes on me, giving me the who-is-that-boy look. I gulped and called you, introducing you to my brother. We bade goodbye with each other and you promised to come back.

**Ö**

A few days after our meeting, slut #1 added me as her friend and I accepted it. I asked her how she was related to you, and you know what she said?

_"He's my boyfriend, why?"_ I was like, what the fuck? SO you are really cheating on me. How dare you! I confronted you and let you see what that slut #1 said and you were shocked. You confessed to me that you had a relationship with her for 3 days but you broke up with her when we were fine. I got so mad at you, so I didn't even talk to you even a single word. I talked to Koko and you know what he did? He took the girl's photo and he edited it, putting a footnote saying:

_"What a BUG-face!"_ With just one sentence, I felt comfortable and I was relieved that someone is on my side. I also told Tsubasa-senpai my problem and he was angry at you Natsume. He comforted me and told me crazy jokes so I can feel better. You apologized to me many times and told me you are really sorry. Since I love you and I felt better, I accepted your apology. After our fight, Anna and Nonoko told me something that you wouldn't expect that they'll say.

"Mikan-chan, why don't you do _it_ with Natsume?" Anna asked.

"Don't worry, we won't tell anyone. He's handsome and all, and it can be a test for him. If he really loves you, after that he won't leave you!" Nonoko said enthusiastically.

"Are you sure about it? I mean, I'm too young for that... Is it really fine if I do it with him? It's just our third monthsary..." I told them.

"It's fine Mikan-chan, don't worry. We'll cover for you!" Anna said. Weird friends aren't they?

"Okay? Can I text him now?" I took Anna's phone and texted you. You told me before you go that you don't have enough money to go here next time, so it'll be long before you can visit me again. Here is what I texted you:

"Natsume, I am willing to have sex with you if you come here at friday. If you won't then I will not have sex with you until we get married." I smirked, I know that you can't come because of lack of money. After a few minutes, you replied back, saying:

_"Waa, really? You sure about that. I'll try to go there at friday. Please do wait for me at your school." _NOOOOOOOOOOO! My world shattered, you really are a pervert! You'd do anything just to get my virginity. I waited 'til Friday. I wore a casual dress, a sleeveless one that ends above my knee. It was the last day of school anyway. After class you texted me that you're already in the school gate. See what pervertedness can do to a person? They become desperate and is willing to do anything just to get what they want, just like you. We rode the bus with Anna and Nonoko, and we stopped at a very cheap motel on the high way. I was shy and I don't want other person to see me enter a motel that's why I always look down. Fuck fuck fuck! We checked in, Anna and Nonoko following us to the room.

"So this is the room? No wonder it's cheap." Anna said while looking at the room. It was dusty, like no one dared to use it. The bed was small and the comfort room sucks. The room is made of wood, looks like it'll collapse.

"This is fine. It's just for 5 hours." You said leaning on the wall.

"Well, see you later Mikan, we're going now." Anna said.

"And you, don't you dare hurt her and leave her after this or ELSE." Nonoko threatened you before leaving us. We were silent, and I just sat on the edge of the bed. You looked at me and you took of your shirt, also sitting on the bed.

"Can you take of your dress?" I blushed at that and I bit my lower lip. _'Relax Mikan, it's just a sex. It's not important after all._' I thought while I took off my dress. I looked at you and you were tapping your lap, as if telling me to sit on it. I did what you want me to do, and we kissed passionately. I can feel you hard, it was touching mine. You took off my bra and I was really shy that I encircled my arm on my chest, hiding it from you. You put your hands on my chest.

"Wow, it's not small. It's not that big also. But it's fine and round, I like it." I blushed and we continued kissing. You are about to take of my shorts when I stopped you because it's unfair.

"Why don't you take of your pants first?" I asked you and you smirked. You stood up and took of your pants and brief. I was not used to seeing people naked so I shifted my gaze.

"Why are you not looking at it? Too shy? Don't worry you'll get used to it." You told me that and you kissed me, letting me lie down on the bed and you ended on top of me. You were too hot because you were about to put _it_ in but too bad I still have my shorts on. Bleh. I giggled and you sat, pulling of my shorts and my underwear. You look at my naked body, holding mine and smirking.

"You are not trimming aren't you?" I nodded and you laughed. "Next time trim it. It's like a jungle, too long." We again kissed, our body brushed against each other. You put your hands on my...

"You're not wet at all. Want me to lick it for you?"

"I don't know to you... Do it if you want?" I answered hesitantly. You went down and licked it. It hurts because I am still a virgin and I'm not used to it, but your face shows that you are enjoying it. I was pulling your hair to stop you, and you did.

"That does it. Can I enter you now?" You asked me. This time I nodded.

"I'll be gentle, don't worry. This will hurt a bit." You entered me and it really hurts. Damn you! I hugged you tightly because of the pain.

"It's halfway now, be patient and I'll be done." I nodded pouting my lips.

"There." You kissed me and you moved up and down. At first you are gentle, then after a few minutes, you got rough and moved faster. It still hurts like hell, so I didn't even moan or anything. I just let you do what you want.

"It's near." You moaned. You finished and I sat up. It still hurts you moron! I looked at your friend and it was full of blood. We smiled at each other, and we went to the comfort room to take a shower.

**-End of Chapter 2-**

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><p><strong>Author's note: I'm a bit confused if this fic is rated T or M... Please help me what it is :( Thank you very much for reading and supporting :D<strong>


	3. Chapter 3: How You Broke My Heart

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice and its character. Higuchi Tachibana do!**

**Author's note: This is Mikan's point of view so don't get confused :| In life there is always an up and down, and this is the 'down' part. Hope you like it.**

**Ö**

**Chapter 3: How You Broke My Heart**

**Ö**

After I just gave my self to him, we always meet once a month. When the first semester is about to end, my classmate offered me to pay her a little amount for a phone. Since I badly needed a phone to contact Natsume, I grabbed the opportunity. You all know that my parents are strict right? They don't want to give me a phone because they don't want me to have a boyfriend. I'll tell you what, my father Izumi is good to you if you are not disobeying him, but if you did, he'll get angry and he might end up beating you up, just like what he did to me when I had my first boyfriend who lived far away from me. We also met each other on an online game.

Anyway back to the topic. How can I use the phone when I'm home? Well... I am using it whenever I'm in my room and I turned it on silent mode. I did go to the church even if I'm an atheist just to use it since no one there would get me busted. They know what my situation is, so they just support me. There are two boys in the church who flirts with me, but since I love Natsume so much, I don't care about them. I just ignored them. I knew too that they are playboys... Duh, they already have a girlfriend that is also our church mate, and you know what? I ended up being insulted by that 'girl' and she spatted some bad words like she hated me in the text and that I'm ugly. Okay fine, I'm ugly. If I am, why does her boyfriend flirt with me? Such a loser...

**Ö**

It was now the end of October, and since there is a seminar in the church for 2 days, I invited Natsume to go with me. He agreed and asked me how he can go to the church and I told him how to get there. When my brother and I arrived at the church (my brother knows about our relationship), we saw Natsume waiting for us. I was really happy that I saw him again. We spent our time together for 2 days, and after that, it was already time for him to go home.

When we went to the church with my family because it was Sunday, my parents knew about Natsume going to the seminar because of the talkative pastor. Sigh, everything went fine and this? Because of what happened, I got banned from using the computer. _Poor me_... Good thing they don't know that I have a phone or else I'm damned for sure.

**Ö**

December came and the youth convention of the church came. Since it's five days, I joined it so I can talk freely with Natsume. I really miss him sooo much. Before going to the convention, I cut my bangs because it's too long now. Guess what? I CUT IT TOO SHORT! ARGH! Damn you scissors! What I did was wear a headband so no one will see how ugly my bangs was. Because of this convention I got ugly. How ugly? Well... I got pimples all over me and I got dark, I mean, a dark complexion. Oh my goodness. I'm ugly now...

Then December passed by so quickly and it was now February. You know what happened this month? In the first week, my mother Yuka saw my phone, and she read the text messages. I was so scared that they'll know that Natsume and I are having sex. I think I'm gonna die now! I didn't even have time to erase our messages, oh noooooooooooo. Sigh... I ignored them and I went to school, after school, my mother confronted me if something is happening between Natsume and I. I got scared so I denied it. My mother might tell my father that I'm not a virgin anymore and I don't want that to happen.

What I did was after school, I rode the bus to where Natsume is living. I texted him using my classmate's phone that I'm going there, and I want to live with him. He told me how to get there and I followed everything he said. This is it... I arrived at where he'll be fetching me, and he's so damn late! I waited for 30 minutes and I saw him outside the restaurant where I sat to wait for him. I read his mind so simple because his emotion shows in his face, saying _'Why does she look ugly now? Look at those pimples and her dark face.'_ Even though he actually disliked what I looked like, he hugged me and treated me for breakfast since I haven't eaten anything yet. Before we go to his house, he went to his school to ask for his professor's permission to leave for a while because of some family problem. You know where I was waiting? A few meters far away from his school. Maybe he's ashamed of me... I haven't told you that he's participating in the school's search for Mr. and Ms. blah blah blah. After a few minutes, we walked to a store where I can buy some underwear. After that, we went to where we will be riding a bus to where he lives.

It took us 30 minutes to get there. We entered his house but no one is home. It was just the two of us. As always, Natsume is a pervert. He kissed me and he took of my clothes. He then again raped me and after that, he gave me a shirt for me to use. He let me rest because he knew I didn't have enough sleep and I just arrived from a 3-hour ride. He took me to his sister's room and he opened the fan for me. After a few minutes, someone arrived. I heard a girl happily saying she's home. Maybe that's Aoi, Natsume's little sister. I am two years older than her but she's taller than I am. _Poor me_.

"Your Mikan onee-chan is in your room so keep your voice down." I heard Natsume said.

"Really? Can I see her can I see her?" Aoi asked excitedly. I heard the door creak open.

"Oh she really is there!" Aoi said and closed the door. I heard her ask for food and a moment later, she bid goodbye and left the house again. A few minutes later, I heard someone arrive, and Natsume greeted her.

"Mom, Mikan is here."

"WHAAAAAAAAT!" Obviously, her mother shouted. "Take her here." When I heard that, Natsume went to where I am and he told me to go with him. I was nervous because it's the first time that I'll saw his mother. She looks young and she's beautiful, but she looks strict and ill-tempered. I gulped hard as she check me out.

"How old are you dear?" She suddenly asked.

"I'm 17 years old..." I answered.

"Oh so you're underage. Does your mother know you're here?" I shook my head in response. Mrs. Hyuuga sighed.

"Are you aware that my son can be sent to jail for kidnapping?" I nodded.

"Natsume, are you ready now? What is your plan?" Mrs. Hyuuga asked.

"Maybe we'll go find a job as soon as possible. Don't tell dad about this."

"I really won't tell 'cause your dead if I do. I'll help you find a job, but first let me talk to your parents. I'll call them now. Give me their number." She handed me the phone and I entered my parent's number hesitantly.

"Hello. This is Natsume's mother. Your daughter is here." I sweat hard knowing that my parents will get mad at me.

"Look, I'll tell her to go back home. If you don't want her anymore, I'll keep her here." Mrs. Hyuuga shut the phone down.

"Now, as for you two, I'll help you find your job and don't get pregnant yet." Mrs. Hyuuga told us and we went back to Aoi's room. After a while, I heard Mrs. Hyuuga shout:

"I'M GONNA HAVE A GRANDCHILDREN SOON! YEAAAAH!" We both laughed at that. Later, Mrs. Hyuuga left the house again and Natsume invited me to his room. He raped me again there and while he's in me, Mrs. Hyuuga called.

"Hey mom." Natsume answered while moving. "What? She's too tired to go home. Besides I want her here." Natsume said and after that, he handed me the phone.

"Mom wants to talk to you." Natsume said and he continued raping me. Mrs. Hyuuga insisted that I should go home and she'll handle everything. We can't do something about it so we just agreed. When I arrived home, mom and dad looked at me.

"What are you doing here? I thought you're going to live there? You got rejected?" Mom told me. I shook my head and headed to my room to rest. After a few days, Mrs. Hyuuga together with Natsume and Aoi came to to the church to settle everything up.

"You're still studying. You shouldn't see each other. That's the best for the both of you." A pastor told us. Because of that, I cried silently.

"It's fine if Natsume go here to visit Mikan. The thing is he should go in our house not everywhere else. He can bond with Mikan's brothers if he want to." My mom Yuka told them.

"I'll take responsibility of her. Don't worry, I love her so much. I can't afford to hurt her. I won't cheat on her. I promise." Natsume told my father Izumi who sighed and agreed to everything. After that, my parents treated us in a fast-food restaurant. Natsume and his family went home. Oh, it's February 14th today, and this will be one of the greatest day of my life.

**Ö**

I always do check Natsume's social networking. It's February 18th today, and I saw a girl comment on our photo.

_"I don't like this."_ She said. I looked at her profile and she looks like a slut, literally so I'll just call her slut #2. I raised my eyebrow on that and I countered her comment. When Natsume saw this, he ended up getting angry at me. Why is that so? Is he siding with that slut? Who is she to him anyway? I looked at his profile photo and he changed it to a picture where there are his classmates and he's standing right next to the slut. What the fuck is happening? I thought Natsume promised me that he will never change our photo in his profile so what is this? I called him. I was angry.

"Who is *****? And what is she to you? Why did you changed your profile picture huh? I thought you said you wouldn't?" I asked him.

_"She's just my classmate. Why are being like that? Are you jealous?"_

"I hate you!" I shouted at him and I hung up the phone. Moments later he is calling. I answered it.

_"Why do you hate me?"_ He asked me.

"Why did you change our photo?" I asked angrily.

_"Do you want to know?"_

"YES!" I answered shouting.

_"Because my classmates saw you and they said you are ugly. Do you know that hurts on my side?"_

"So you are saying that you are ashamed of me?"

_"No! It's just that it hurts because everyone who knows me is looking down at you."_

"And you didn't fought for me?"

_"What can I do? Even my professors can't believe that you are my girlfriend._

"Why didn't you tell them they are out of the line? That they are crossing your privacy? What did they say to you exactly?"

_"My professor told me 'Is she your girlfriend? I can't believe your standards are so low.' And my classmates told me these: 'You are saying that you're already married in your profile, but your girlfriend is so ugly.' And they all laughed, so I just play along with them and laughed too."_

"How could you! You can't even stand on your own and fight for me!"

_"Mikan, they are the only friends that I have there in the school, if I fought back then I will be left alone and I don't want that to happen."_

"So you're saying that they are more important to me now? I won't leave you and you know that! If my friend did that to you I'll fight for you because I love you so much, more than my life Natsume! I don't care about our friendship, all I care about is you!"

_"Okay I'm sorry. I will fight with them if ever they'll say that again."_ And our conversation ended up there. Sigh, it hurts so much Natsume. How dumb can you get? Starting this day, Natsume's cold to me and he always gets angry with me. He even go home late and he's always saying that he's phone's battery is already empty that's why I can't call him whenever he's at school. He even told me to deactivate our account on facebook so there are no more arguments. I got curious so I didn't. I always spy on his profile.

**Ö**

At February 21, our friends in the online game will be having an eyeball and Natsume wanted to come so badly . Even if he doesn't have enough money, he did everything just to go there. He told me his phone will be shut dead and he just arrived at the venue, and he was so angry whenever I call him because he said he didn't even know where our friends were. What I did was I got online and asked who knows any of my friends' numbers. Someone gave it to me and I called it. It was Misaki-senpai. I told her Natsume is lost and she should text him where they are, I even gave her Natsume's phone number to make sure he'll know where he's going. I got a message from Koko who is also there in the eyeball that Natsume is there. (They had an argument that's why Koko doesn't want to talk to Natsume)

_"Thank you so much my wife! You are the best! I love you so much!"_ Natsume texted me. He said he'll be spending the night there and he's phone is already low battery so he won't be able to text me until tomorrow, and tomorrow, he and his cousins will go to a swimming, he said. I believed him and morning came, but no text are coming from him. It was already evening and nobody is texting me. I sighed as I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

**Ö**

Morning came and I texted him again, this time he replied. He said he's fine and he's sorry for not texting me because he's with his cousins and he didn't have time to charge his phone. I accepted his apology and checked his facebook again.

My eyes widened as I saw slut #2's photo with Natsume. It was only the two of them, and a strong feeling of hurt and deceit came on me. It hurts... It hurts a _lot_. There in the picture says:

_"I love you my husband forever 18." _Wait, that's what I'm calling him! I cried... I cried a lot. I tried to contact him but he's not answering his phone. I texted him but there are no replies. At night, I got online in a computer shop and I desperately find him. I got online in the messenger too, hoping that he'll chat with me.

_"What's the matter?"_ He asked me. I send him a link of the slut's picture and asked him who really is her to his life.

_"Do you want to know the truth?"_

"Yes."

_"She's my girlfriend here. But I didn't court her. It's just sudden..."_ I burst into tears, not minding anyone in the computer shop.

"Do you... love her?"

_"I don't know."_

"Who do you love more? Choose Natsume. Is it me or that slut?"

_"I choose you but... I can't just break up with her."_

"Why not?"

_"I'm helping her to move on from his ex-boyfriend."_

"So now it's your responsibility to help her move on now? What do you care anyway huh?"

_"I just wanted to help."_

"You can help her but not in that way! If you don't break up with her, then break up with me."

_"I don't want to."_

"Why?"

_"Because I love you."_

"If you really love me then why are you hurting me like this?"

_"I'm sorry... I'll work it out somehow."_ Are you aware that it's our 1st year anniversary on February 26? And it's February 22 now. How thick is his face now? On the 14th of February he just promised my father that he won't cheat on me, and now what? After just 4 days he had a girlfriend there? After that I didn't texted him or anything. I gave myself some time to think.

**Ö**

I can't hold the pain inside me, so what I did was ask my friends in school to drink alcohol with me. I don't drink alcohol, really. But this time I can't do something about what I'm feeling, so I just want everything to slip in my hands and I want to forget everything. We drank at our house, good thing my parents are not there, only my brother. After I took my 5th glass, I got dizzy, I get my friend's glass and drink it with one gulp. My other friends are singing something in our videoke, and it was...

Even if I'll look stupid  
>Even if I'm being hurt<br>I'm crying, because of you  
>I'm still here<br>Almost crazy over you

Even if you just betrayed me  
>Even if you'll look at someone else<br>Even if you'll love somebody else  
>I'll pretend to be blind<br>Even if it hurts, here in my heart

'coz I love, I love you so much  
>I will not be afraid, ashamed<br>Whatever they will say  
>'coz I love you, 'coz I love<br>i love you so much  
>I'll do everything<br>Just promise me you won't leave me  
>'coz I love, I love you so much<p>

With just those words, my tears roll down, thinking about Natsume. It's like the song is made for me, it stabs my heart and it's shredding into pieces. I let it all out, the pain, the sorrow, everything that pulls me into darkness. How can you do it to me Natsume? How can you hurt me like this? And I thought everything is fine with us. I thought we are perfect for each other. I thought _wrong._ Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this? I gave you everything! I gave you my heart and my soul...

I fell down on the floor, weeping like a lost child. I shouldn't have expected so I won't get disappointed. I heard my friends cry, too.

"What did I do wrong? Tell me?" I asked them.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Natsume did." Yura said. I continued crying and I felt dizzy. I walked to the computer to check that slut's picture and I got online in the yahoo messenger. I posted my status: 'Let's drink some alcohol!'

I am aware that Natsume is online so I chat with him.

"Look at your girlfriend, she's so fat. Tell her not to pose like a model 'cause it's not her thing."

_"She's not fat."_

"Really? How can you say so?"

_"She really isn't. And why are you drunk?"_

"Why don't you ask yourself? And you are siding with her huh? HAHA."

_"I'm not..."_

"Why did you replaced me with this ugly slut anyway?"

_"I didn't replace you with her."_

"Yeah right, two-timer bastard." I logged of after that. I went to the bathroom to vomit, fuck I am dizzy now. I stopped crying when my parents went home and I drifted to sleep.

I can't help but to endure everything. Even if it hurts so much... I can't leave your side Natsume... I love you so much that I will die if you leave me... You are my life. Don't you know that?

**-End of Chapter 3-**


	4. Chapter 4: How I Changed

**Diclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice and its character!**

**Author's note: I know you think that it's too fast, but I skipped the time. It'll be so loooooooooong if I did write everything that happened in the love story of someone I know. Anyway, here's chapter 4 for you :D Enjoy.**

**Ö**

**Chapter 4: How I Changed**

**Ö**

It was February 25 and Natsume just told me he broke up with the slut. As if I believe you bastard. You just lied to me and here you are, saying the impossible. So what I did was to ask my friend Youichi - who is obviously younger than I am - to add the slut and spy on her. I gave him a task to find out if they are still in a relationship and if he really is lying.

Natsume promised me that he'll go here in our house in our anniversary which is tomorrow. I decided to not expect him to text me and to go here. I should give time for myself. February 26th came and I did nothing. I didn't check my phone if there are some text from someone. I didn't give a damn. I want to be free from loving him just this day. I want to be happy, I want to be pain-free. But to my dismay, my hands automatically checked my phone, and there is one text message.

_"Happy anniversary my wife, I love you."_ The person I least wanted to talk to texted me. Just this day, I don't want to talk to him. I ignored him and make myself busy. I played the piano and listen to some songs. I even did some house chores so I won't think of him. I hate this day. I hate this month. From this day on, I officially state to myself that I will be blunt and get cold. How can I be so stupid for trusting you Natsume? How can I let you cheat on me? I should've known the consequences of loving you. I shouldn't have shown you that I love you more than anyone else so you won't be confident on cheating on me and letting me get hurt like this. I don't want someone to take advantage of my kindness. I already had enough. I won't be a stupid girl for you Natsume. I will fight back, I won't ever let you hurt me again. I don't know why but I kept on waiting for you to arrive. It was now February 27th and you still didn't text me or what. I hate to say but I guess I love you too much that I still keep on hoping for you to go back to me and be honest with me.

I can't control myself that I even called him using my dad's phone. It took him some time to answer. I narrowed my eyes on that. When he answered, I gave him the coldest voice that I can give.

"I thought you promised me that you're going here?"

_"I'm sorry, I didn't have time and I was busy here. I don't have enough money too to get there."_ Huh, you? Having no money? Then what the hell did you do to go to that fucking eyeball and when we make love for the first time? You did everything just to have money right? What a liar you are.

"Why? You don't have money too when you went to the eyeball right? Then you did everything, like borrowing some money from your friend just to get there. What about going here for our anniversary huh?"

_"I'm sorry, I can't borrow anymore 'cause it'll be embarrassing for him. Anyway I greeted you yesterday a happy anniversary but you didn't replied."_

"Oh? Is it a HAPPY anniversary? Guess not."

_"I'm sorry... I love you my wife."_

"Don't call me your wife, I don't want you calling me the same on what you call that slut."

_"Okay then, I'll call you baby."_

"Don't call me your baby 'cause I'm not your baby."

_"Okay, so what will I call you then? "_

"Nothing."

_"Alright..."_

"If you don't come here, I'll make your life a living hell."

_"I'll try to get there okay? Maybe next week."_ I hung up the phone and I smiled triumphantly.

**Ö**

March 2 came, and I discovered something soooo disturbing. I check that slut's profile everyday, and guess what? I saw a picture with them in a room and Natsume is topless. I was furious! I looked at the date and it said it was added on February 22. Wait a minute, February 22? And there are comments that it was taken on February 21 in their classmates house. What the fuck? You really are a liar Natsume. You suck you know that? Do you think I am really that dumb? You really are underestimating Mikan Sakura.

Remember what he said about February 21? Well I'll tell you again. He told me that he'll go to a swimming with his cousins. Wow, swimming huh? So why are you stripped naked with that slut and you even sit beside her in some photos. Not only that, she is clinging in your arms like she wanted to say 'Fuck me!'. Really FUCK YOU SLUT #2.

I kept myself calm despite of what I'm seeing. When I looked for Youichi, he was online. _Great_.

"Youichi."

_"Hey ma'am! Youichi here to report something."_

"Did you discovered something?"

_"Yes indeed. The girl told me Natsume is her boyfriend."_ I twitch at that. LIAR NATSUME!

"When was that?"

_"Just yesterday ma'am, March 1."_

"You did a good job spying. Thank you very much for your help."

_"No problem onee-chan."_ Now who gets the last laugh huh? You stupid bastard, thank you for belittling me. Now what will I do? Ah... I know. I logged in the yahoo messenger and clicked on Natsume's name. I know you're just invisible to everyone.

"Natsume."

_"Yes what is it?"_

"Come here in the house. If you don't you'll know what will happen." After that, I spent my time doing stuffs, keeping myself busy until Saturday came, March 6. Someone knocked at the gate. My father Izumi shouted, telling that someone is looking for me and he smirked, evilly. What a father huh?

I went outside to see Natsume. I think he's kinda shocked to see my face slowly getting back to what it used to be. The pimples on my face lessened.

"You look beautiful today huh?"

"So?"

"Nothing, I just said it."

"We need to talk. Now." I went inside the house and I signaled him to take a seat in the kitchen to get our privacy. Before that, he gave me a chocolate, saying that it was from Kaoru oka-san.

"I know you're still in a relationship with the slut." I waited for him to answer but all he did was stare at me.

"Spit it. I know you didn't break up with her. I'm not dumb Natsume." He sighed and took my hands. I jerked my hands away but he took it again.

"Please listen to me Mikan..." I sighed and let him speak.

"I'm sorry... Yes, we still are in a relationship. But I'm waiting for the right moment to break up with her."

"Why not now?"

"Because you see, someone who liked her threatened me that if I hurt her, they will beat me up. I don't want that to happen so I'm waiting for the right time to break up with her.

"When will be that right time?" I asked raising my eyebrow.

"Please give me time Mikan..." He pleaded looking into my eyes.

"I'll give you a month. If you can't fix it then I'll fix US." I said not showing some emotion.

"Okay... Can you at least smile?"

"Why would I? This is how I've become after what you did."

"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry..."

"So you're sorry now? You lied to me many times and you'll just say sorry?"

"I regretted what I did, I was a fool back then. I was afraid I will get married soon because of what happened... When we came here to speak to your parents." I didn't speak. I kept silent for about a few minutes. I was thinking of punching him in the face since I'm very angry right now.

"What are you thinking? Please tell me..."

"I'm thinking of slapping your face." He sighed again.

"If that is what will let you feel better, you can slap me." In an instant, I slapped him hard. He didn't say anything. Instead, he looked at me in the eyes.

"Did something happen between the two of you?" I asked him. He denied it and explained to me what happened on February 21.

"I still want to slap you and kick you." I said while glaring at him.

"Alright..." I slapped him twice, and I kicked his legs too. This feels great. Ah...

"Can you smile now?" He asked me. I smiled but not my usual one.

"Are we okay now?" I nodded.

"Mikan... Can I rape you?" I raised an eyebrow. I think about it first, but then I agreed and we hide in the room near the kitchen. After that, we went to my room and we lied down on my bed.

"Who's more beautiful, is it me or that slut?" I asked him.

"Honestly, for now, she is more beautiful than you are." I slapped him again. Ah, feels great. I further interrogated him, and his answers are constant. Still, I doubt everything that he says. After a few minutes, Kaoru oka-san called. She asked me what happened and I told her I beat up her son. She just laughed and told me it's the right thing.

It's time for him to go home, so I gave him a letter. I told him I'll give him a month to fix it, and if he won't, then I'll kill him, literally.

**Ö**

After 3 days, he told me that the girl broke up with him because of a puppy. He was very happy, but I was not. I don't know why, but it looks like I'm falling out of love for him and I don't trust him anymore. I asked what his other account on facebook was, and he gave it to me. I logged it in and I looked at what he did for the past month. I saw his message to that slut saying:

_"My wife! I love you!"_ And I saw another one.

_"My wife! Why are you not texting me whenever we're apart? I wonder..."_

The first one was sent on February 25th, and the second one was sent on February 22nd. Great Natsume, just great.

I further examined everything he did, like who he added as his friends and who are those he gave a comment. There was something that caught my eyes, and it was a girl with a status of...

_"I never knew he doesn't want sweet ones, too bad."_ And this is the intriguing part, Natsume giving a comment of...

_"Hi miss."_

_"I want sweet ones, do you mind if I taste you?"_ That's it Natsume, fuck you! I hate your guts, damn you.

I clicked his name in the messenger and started to chat with him.

"That was smart Natsume. Saying you want to taste that slut-looking woman? Tch."

_"Huh?"_

"Don't play dumb with me. Fuck I already deleted your comment. Wrong move."

_"I don't understand you. Where is it?"_

"I told you I deleted your comment. If you want look at who I'm talking about." I gave him the link of that slut #3.

_"I can't remember anything, but still, I'm sorry..."_

"And you even sent that slut #2 a message saying you love her. How dare you. You can't even send me a message that time. Fuck you."

_"I'm just saying that so she'll believe me and that she'll not know about you."_ After that conversation, my hatred became more fired up. A week passed and he came to my house to visit me. I forgot every hate I have on him and we enjoyed the day. He stayed here for 2 days. Suddenly, someone was calling him and he answered the phone. He went to my room to talk to the stranger. I followed him, not making any sounds. What I just heard was...

"I deceived you? It's not you, I deceived Mikan. You are the mistress not her." So the person he's talking to was slut #2. I heard the other line hung up and Natsume was shocked to see me.

"Who's that?"

"It's **********." He answered. I knew it was slut #2.

"What did you two talk about?"

"Nothing. She's just whining and blaming me for hurting her." After that someone texted her. We both read it and I tried not to laugh.

"What a stupid girl. Does she even know how to speak English well? Look at what she said, 'It hurt'. Stuuuupid. Was that supposed to be 'It hurts?' HAHA!" I laughed hard. What a total loser. Trying hard to speak in English even if she can't.

"I know, she's an idiot." At night, I check his phone to see if there are something fishy there. You know, he's the type who doesn't want anyone to tamper his phone. If I know he's just hiding something. I looked at the messages, the missed call, received and dialed calls, and reminders. Hoho you won't believe it, I did see something fishy. On his calendar there was a reminder saying: 'Me and ****' (I'll call her slut #4). I raised my eyebrow at him and asked him what it was for and who is that girl in his life. Take note of the date, it was December 26, just last year. Oh come on, am I that fun to play with?

"Who is she?"

"She's my girlfriend for a week, don't worry nothing happened between us. She's ugly too so don't get jealous."

"How come she became your girlfriend if she's ugly?"

"My friends pushed me to court her so she'll always get us free alcohols."

"So you're saying you and your friends are leeches? What kind of friends do you have. Do they even know that you have a girlfriend that time?"

"Yes they know..."

"Then why did they told you to have a girlfriend. What a bad influence. Choose, me OR them."

"Of course I choose you... I have something else to tell you."

"What?"

"You know my girlfriend for almost 7 years right (I'll just call her slut #5)?"

"What about her?"

"While we are new to our relationship, she's still my girlfriend."

"I knew it! Fuck you! Then why didn't you break up with me huh? You're not satisfied with one girlfriend?"

"I love you back then even if I love her."

"Honestly, tell me. When did you really love me, like only me?"

"Since I broke up with her..."

"I'll tell you something too. Remember the guy in the church who has many ex's? He flirted with me and asked me to break up with you." Natsume became silent and I knew he was angry.

"Aren't you being unfair? What I did was flirt only and you, you have relationships with someone else while I was your girlfriend. Heck you even did it 4 times." He looked down and he started apologizing.

**Ö**

Days passed and I checked my facebook account. Slut #2 is adding me. Tch such a loser. She even added my siblings. Suddenly, a light bulb popped out of my head, giving me an evil idea. I logged in my classmate's facebook account and I added the slut. I will just spy on her. Thank Natsume for that 'cause I promised him I won't cause a ruckus. I looked at her photo, oh she deleted her photo with Natsume.

I checked everything and again, I saw something that shouldn't be posted. On her album 'This is only Mine', Natsume's photo lying down on a couch was posted. It feels hot here. Wait, my head is hot. Tch, you'll get what you want slut.

I commented on the photo using another languange. Of course, she wouldn't know that. She's stupid right? She can't even construct a sentence using the English language. Psh, I wonder how she graduated elementary. After a day, I checked my classmate's messages and I saw her sent one. _Nice. _I evilly smiled as I read what she said. She was furious, and I am happy about that. Ha! Serves you right moron. I replied back to her saying I'll speak in our national language since she doesn't know how to speak in English properly. I also told her she should work on her grammar and I pointed out how imbecile she is.

Days passed and what happened was we continued fighting, of course, I always win. She can't even answer some questions, but when I showed everything to Natsume, he was furious. He told me the slut half lied, so he sent her a message saying that she should stop and that she shouldn't make up stories like him tasting her. I also sent her my last message which was by far, another insult. She replied back saying that she was invited to Natsume's house and that she was already introduced to his mother and Aoi even cooked food for her. I wanted to answer back, but since I promised that my message to her is my last one, I didn't. Does she even know her place? Does Natsume's father approved of her? Does his father even want to know her? Guess not, since Natsume's father is on my side. Otou-san even called me that he scolded Natsume for cheating on me. Ha! Good luck with that slut.

What I was curious about was when she said Natsume told his classmates that I am the girl who got pregnant and I'm claiming that he's the father but Natsume denied me. Okay? I asked him and he said he didn't say that. I don't believe him that's why I asked their classmate who was on neutral side. I let her read the slut's message to me, and she said she haven't heard Natsume saying that I'm pregnant and blah blah blah. The slut also told me that Natsume wants her back on his life, but she rejected him because Natsume said he doesn't want to broke up with me, according to her. I don't really know whom I should trust now.

I confronted Natsume about him having sex with the slut.

"Tell me honestly, did you have sex with her?"

_"Ma, what are you asking?"_

"Just answer the question honestly."

_"You want to know the truth?"_

"Yes."

_"We really did have sex. But I didn't finish 'cause her genitals smells bad."_

"Really? You didn't?" I feel neutral. What the heck.

_"Yes. Honestly."_ I typed in the guild chat now not the PM's.

"I hate you."

_"Mikan please, don't do this to me. Hear me out..."_ He sent privately.

"Talk in the guild chat or else I won't talk to you."

_"I'm sorry Mikan..."_

"Sorry? For all you did you'll just say sorry? Why didn't you tell me when everything was not in the right place so I could have get angry at you just once?"

_"I didn't tell you that because I'm scared of you leaving me alone..."_

"Oh, hoho. So your scared now despite of what you did? Didn't you even ask yourself what I'll feel if you did that?"

_"I was lost back then... I was regretting everything that I've done."_

"You never considered me in your life!"

_"I was drunk a little that time that's why I don't know what I'm doing."_

"When was that?"

_"I don't know. February or March?"_

"She's your girlfriend when that happened?"

_"Yes."_

"Even if you're drunk you should know what you're doing. What are you, a kid who doesn't know what's right or wrong?_"_

_"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry Mikan. Please don't leave me."_

"And you expect me not to leave you?" I logged out after that. He called me in my phone but I canceled it. I turned off my phone and I didn't talk to him.

**Ö**

Another day came and I am going to the mall to buy some things. I was about to go to the other store when Kaoru oka-san called me in my phone. I narrowed my eyes as I answer her.

"Hello Kaoru oka-san?"

_"Do you still love my son or not?"_

"I..." Okay I don't know what to say. Should I give us another chance?

_"Tell me so we can work things out. Don't you know that he hasn't eaten anything yet since yesterday? He told me what happened and I too got angry with him but that's the past, it already happened. We can't do something about it."_

"I still love him." I answered. Alright nth chance it is.

_"Okay, if you're just here you'll see him like a dying duckling sulking on his room. HAHAHA"_

"Is that so Kaoru oka-san? Ahm I have to leave now I've got something else to do. I'll call Natsume later." I hung up the phone as I went to the other store to look for the things I have to buy. When I arrived there, I looked at my phone and there are messages. I read it and it was Natsume apologizing and saying he loves me so much that he won't be able to move on if I leave him. He also said he'll die if I leave him. I decided to call him. I want to hear someone crying now...

"Hello?"

_"Ma?"_

"Yes, I heard you haven't eaten anything yet since yesterday. Eat something now." I commanded him and he sniffed, as if he's starting to cry.

"Why are you crying?"

_"Because I thought you're gonna leave me alone..."_

"Serves you right. It's your fault anyway."

_"Ma, I love you so much... I don't want to lose you so please don't leave me."_ He said while he cried. I heard Kaoru oka-san laugh and she shouted.

_"HAHAHAHAHA! If you'll just see Natsume he looks like a total loser! Look at him! Dawdling on his food. I pity you my son."_ Natsume bawled and cried like a baby. I heard Kaoru oka-san steal the phone from him.

_"Hello Mikan-chan, I just told Natsume that you just did that so he can realize that he's wrong, and you can also leave him if he cheats on you."_

"Yeah Kaoru oka-san, he's too confident that I can't leave him that's why I taught him a lesson."

_"Ha! Your fault Natsume, you shouldn't cheat on her again. Anyway Mikan-chan, he's still crying like a kid there. What you did was just right! Don't worry if he's gonna do it again I'll tell it to you."_

"Thank you oka-san."

_"I'll give back the phone now, I'll be leaving. Ja-ne!"_

_"Ma? Do you still love me?"_

"Honestly no." I answered him coldly.

_"What should I do to make you love me again?" _I heard his voice shaking.

"I don't know. Change maybe?"

_"Please don't leave me, I'll do anything you want... Even if you don't love me I'll still hold on, just don't leave me."_

"Okay, it's your call." Let's see how long you'll last. You pushed me in the darkness, then maybe I'll just pull you down in the hell with me.

**-End of Chapter 4-**


	5. Chapter 5：How I Always Wanted Everything

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of the story. They are from Higuchi Tachibana's Manga Gakuen Alice. Enjoy :)**

**Author's Note: This is the last chapter... Hope you like it. These are the lessons I learned in life.  
><strong>

**Ö**

**Chapter 5: How I Always Wanted Everything to Be**

**Ö**

All I think about was revenge, hatred, and coldness. I changed a lot because of what happened. From being jolly to apathetic, from being talkative to silent, from being passive to aggressive, from being subtle to blunt, from being weak to strong, from being gentle to crude, from being patient to moody, from being in the light to darkness, from being trustful to doubtful.

I started to emit this deadly aura and icy stares. I tend to look down on people and I started to curse everything. You may call this emo, but I think it can't be helped. What will you do if all the time, the person you love the most hurt you? He cheated on you not twice, not thrice but four times already? Imagine having a relationship with him for a year, you gave everything you can give and what will he return to you? Bringing third parties and having a good time with them. You may call me selfish but who the hell in the world would want to share their loved one to somebody else? I always believe that in a relationship, there should be trust and faithfulness. Sigh.

What if one person is tempted to do the wrong thing? There is only one answer to that. _Self-control_ or rather, discipline. Since I already have that discipline from temptation, let's talk about what relationship do I have with Natsume as of now. I do know that you are aware that Natsume before is cold towards me and he gets angry when you're asking him about the sluts. But now what? You may laugh but everything went under my control. Whenever I'm reminding him of having third parties, he'll just apologize and do everything that I want. I am trying to reflect to him what he did so he will know what I was feeling the time he's cheating on me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not cheating on him. I still remained loyal to him despite of everything. Why? Because I want guilt to eat him up. You may never know but giving the person what he didn't gave to you is the worst torture.

If you thought I gained control of everything, then you thought wrong. I lost control of my heavy hands, letting it land on his face. I lost control of my patience, so the tendency is that I will say harsh words to hurt him mentally. I lost control of my mind, not knowing if what I do is right or wrong, like when he's asking me something, I will always contradict him and when he asks me if I love him, I will say no without hesitation. What can I do? That's what I'm feeling, better be honest than to lie.

**Ö**

Everything lasts for a few months, until the most unexpected feeling came back... _Love._

Natsume somehow changed, and I can see that. He's putting a lot of effort in everything and never did I see any lies in his eyes. Even though I've been sarcastic whenever he's asking something or saying something, even though I shout at him or get mad at him even with the least thing to get mad of, even if I hurt him sometimes, even if I changed, he still stayed with me. Sometimes I don't know if he's just pretending so I will love him again or he's just changing for real. I am confused. I don't know if I should have faith on him or even trust him.

I never did see or feel anything wrong with him, it just feels so_... right_. I've been trying to torture him but still, he's standing strong for me. I've tried to leave him many times but what? He said he doesn't want us to break apart because he said he can't live without me and he won't ever find a girl like me again. If I will to leave him, he told me he won't try to find another girl because deep in his heart, it will always be me, not anyone else. _Just me_. I didn't know but once again, I trusted him.

He even spent his birthday and Christmas with me. According to him, it's the best birthday he ever had. Want to know what I gave for his birthday? Agh maybe it's best that you wouldn't know what it is, but okay, I'll tell you. I made a dessert! A crema or whatever you call it. In the end, the 'crema' became a 'fiesta float'. Why 'fiesta float'? The graham crackers and the fruit cocktail literally floats... I tasted it, and it was too sweet. God damn it, this dessert was already easy to make and I failed. Still, Natsume was very happy because I tried my best. My brother just remade it, taking the excess cream from my 'fiesta float'

**Ö**

There was this time (before I knew that he's cheating on me) when he doesn't love me as much as now. I asked him to give me a ring, but he said he doesn't want to 'cause we're not married yet.

_**Flashback...**_

_"How long have you been when you gave your girlfriend for 7 years a ring?"_

_"Ahm... 4 months?"_

_"Then why are you not giving me a ring? Our anniversary is near and you can't even give me a gift." I pouted._

_"Look what happened to us? We broke up. I don't want to give a ring unless you are sure about me. I'll give you one when we'll get married."_

**_End of Flashback..._**

But now, my birthday is near! And guess what? He's asking for my ring size. Too bad I don't know. HAHA.

"Just try to get the size of your little finger."

"What if it's not the same size as your ring finger?"

"I don't know."

"Are you going to break up with me?" Worry etched in his voice.

"No silly. Just remember this, if it fits me, we're destined to be with each other."

When it was time for him to give me the ring, he gulped hard. His hands were shaking and he was hesitating on putting the ring in my finger.

"Why are you shaking?"

"I'm nervous..."

"Why are you nervous?"

"Because I'm worried that if the ring doesn't fit you, you might leave me." I gave him an expressionless face.

"Just put it in!"

"Okay..." When he was putting the ring in my finger, he closed his eyes and stopped breathing. When he can't push it any further, he opened his eyes looking at me. He doesn't want to look at my finger, considering that it might not fit. I smirked at him as I raise my left hand. His eyes widened and he smiled.

"YES!" He shouted and hugged me tightly. It fits like it was made for me.

**Ö**

I haven't told you that he stopped studying right? He wanted to have a work so badly so he can save some money for our future and he can give me whatever I want. Sigh, he haven't finished his college yet. He said his aunt will help him find a job, good thing she was a manager in a casino. After a few weeks, he got the job and he worked. His house is far away from mine, and now, he's farther away from me. It's like 5 hours of ride from my house to his work? I am getting worried... What if he will meet some sluts or some girl there and they'll flirt with him? What if he came back to what he used to be? What if he leaves me for someone else? What if he starts to keep secrets again? What if... ARGH! I feel frustrated.

Natsume lived in his aunt's house for a month but because he's uncomfortable there, he moved out in a small apartment. Everyday, we contact each other. He always tell me what happened in his work or who he is with. Whenever his coworkers ask him out, sometimes he decline and sometimes he'll go. That depends on where they are going. I restricted him from drinking alcohol you know.

In the place where he works, even if the person is in a relationship or married, he or she ends up having a girlfriend or boyfriend there. That's what I'm fearing. What if his coworkers push him to do the thing I hate the most? What if he actually take home a girl in his apartment? What if he flirts in work or seduce somebody else? Why am I so pessimistic anyway? Sigh.

Everyday, my worry seems to vanish. I end up reading or writing a story, play a game in the laptop (I kidnap Natsume's laptop) or watch some movie. I got used to everything. He's going in the house anyway and he's saying that he loves me. There was this time when my father and I fought because of the clothes that were not placed in the right place (So redundant...). My parents told me to get out of the house (Yes, they're kicking me out of the house.) because they say I am too lazy. I asked Natsume to take me away and live with me, and he says yes. Eventually, my father was not angry at me anymore, so I decided to stay in the house. When Natsume went to visit me, we had sex and I told him not to get me pregnant. He nodded and smiled at me.

I waited for my period to come, but I am already a month delayed. I got a pregnancy test kit, and it was positive. I took it three times with the same result. I don't know what to do since I am not yet ready to bear a child, and I'm only friggin' 18 years old! I blamed him for everything. I was not able to eat. I became picky and whenever I don't want the food, I feel like I want to vomit. My mother shouldn't know this, so I tried my best to look normal. I got moody, I felt like my stomach was getting bigger, and my pimples are getting back (Oh, yes. I became pretty again before this fucking pimples are growing again!).

Natsume apologized to me and he said he'll take responsibility of me. I refused as I still wanted to finish college. I asked him to find a way to abort our child, but he was hesitant. In the end, he agreed to abort our child because there is only 1 year left for me to graduate. We chose to have a medical abortion so my parents wouldn't find out that I'm pregnant. Anytime soon, we'll say goodbye to our child. Seeing Natsume holding my stomach every time and caressing it makes me think twice. I am having this feeling of not aborting my baby, but my other half says I should because it will be embarrassing for my grandmother and aunt who helps me finish my college.

When midnight strikes, Natsume and I started the medical abortion. I was waiting for my uterus to contract, but I guess the drug was fake. I was thinking of our baby, and I even dreamed of him/her. I was happy in my dream with Natsume, living in our own house caring for our child. It was such a happy dream until my stomach started to become painful. I thought I was just having a diarrhea because at 4 AM, I went to the bathroom and defecate there. At 6 AM, when I sat up to go again to the bathroom, I felt a sudden gush of blood. I looked at my underwear and found out that it was blood. The pain lasted for a few hours. When I went to the bathroom again and sat at the bowl, I saw a blood clot come out. I keep pushing hard so the pain might go away. After a few minutes, I saw a flesh come out. I reached for it and observed. It was our baby. My tears roll down on my cheeks, and I can feel my heart break. I didn't know that I'll feel this way. I called Natsume and let him see our baby. He frowned and hugged me.

"I'm sorry Mikan... I just want to be with you and live with you that's why I let you get pregnant..."

"Why did you let me get pregnant? You're just thinking of yourself! You know that I want to graduate first and what? I feel sorry for our baby..."

"I just did that because you told me you want to live with me right? When you and father fought? I'm just keeping my words Mikan... I love you and I want to take you away from here. I want to live with you already... Forgive me if I am so selfish." I stayed silent. I realized this time that everything was my fault... That I wanted to control everything and do anything that I thought was perfect.

"Natsume... If ever I get pregnant again, let's live together. I will give birth to our child... I won't let this happen again... We did the wrong thing. I was too selfish I just think of myself. I'm sorry Natsume..."

**Ö**

This time, everything is not his fault. It turns out that the wrong was me after all. Greed, envy, lust, gluttony, pride, wrath, and sloth. I didn't know that all the seven deadly sins already ate me up. I never knew that... Natsume did change, and so do I. He changed for the better and for me but I changed just for my enmity. I became envious of the past, making me want everything and feed my soul with too much wrath. I became a victim of lust. I never did want to admit my mistakes because of too much pride. I became careless and ended up regretting everything.

Because of one important thing, I am brought back to the light. The life we created that ended up with our own hands, the one that is innocent and must be given love, our unborn child.

**-End-**

* * *

><p><strong>Dedicated to my unborn baby, Andrei. I love you so much... Rest in peace baby :(<strong>

**Happy mother's day to your mom! I'm greeting myself too...**

**P.S. I'll try to write another chapter... It'll be posted some other time. I guess it'll take me a few weeks...**

**Author's Note: If you have time please do join this forum: http:(slash)(slash)otakujunkie(dot)hightoxic(dot)com(slash)forum**

**Thank you!  
><strong>


	6. Chapter 6: How I Lost My Way

**Author's Note: This chapter is fully conversational and a little bit of POVs here and there. Hope you enjoy this :) Another chapter, another hardship for Mikan and Natsume's relationship.**

**Bold: Mikan**

Normal: Natsume

**WARNING: This may arouse your boredom.**

* * *

><p><strong>Ö<strong>

**Chapter 6: How I Lost My Way**

**Ö**

* * *

><p><strong>"Hmm.. What do you want? Should I post it in your wall? The photo I mean."<strong>

"Huh? I want to see it first on private."

"Mikan?"

**"Okay wait a sec."**

"Alright. I wonder what that is about."

**"Just wait."**

"What now? What is that?"

**"7 minutes."**

"That's long.."

**"4 minutes."**

"Mikan, what are you doing?"

**"Redownloading the fucking Diablo II."**

"Easy there."

**"3 minutes."**

"Okay. Have you eaten your dinner?"

**"Nope. 2 minutes."**

"Why didn't you eat first?"

**"Have you seen it already?"**

"What the fuck? What's this?"

**"Ahm. I dunno?"**

"Delete it will yah? Where did you get that anyway?"

**"You told me you want to preserve your pictures with your ex-girlfriend right?"**

"No no no no. DELETE. Delete. Deeeellllleeette them all!"

**"Why?"**

"I don't want to see them."

**"Why don't you savor the feeling, your closeness, your kisses-"**

"...and i don't want you being sarcastic about it."

**"-your hugs, your sex. Why don't you tell ME WHY THIS IS HIDDEN IN YOUR EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE?"**

"What's with you huh? Errr, which external? Hmmm?"

**"I dunno, maybe the smaller one?"**

"Whoa."

**"And I thought way back 2009 we talked about you DELETING it."**

"Yes we did."

**"Then why the hell IS IT FRIGGIN saved in your external? You even made a copy."**

"I didn't know."

**"FOUR copies."**

"I didn't know I promise."

**"...on MARCH 2010."**

"I didn't know."

**"March 21,2010? The hell. Do you know what happened that day? You talked with that bitch and she wanted to meet you that time and what? You two talked on cam."**

"Mikan..."

**"Don't fucking tell me you forgot? BULLSHIT."**

"Errr Mikan."

**"Don't ever make your forgetfulness be an excuse for not explaining or avoiding the topic."**

"Mikan, here's the deal: If I know or remember anything about that, do you think I will let you keep my things?"

**"Why don't you really tell me what happened when she told you she wants to meet you?"**

"We didn't meet, I didn't want to. I turned her down."

**"You didn't turn her down. You said 'yes'."**

"Yes I did. No. If I did then we should have met but we didn't because I told her that she should stop talking to me or else I'll tell her boyfriend and that's the truth. Please believe me and just delete those photos. They don't mean a thing."

**"Really? Then why is it that my memory says that you said a year ago that you didn't turned her down? You said 'YES'. Funny isn't it?"**

"Mikan, I didn't turn her down."

**"Why don't you be constant for once?"**

"If I didn't, we won't last this long and I won't love you like this. You know what? Right now I am feeling really unsecured."

**"And whose fault is it?"**

"Mikan, I didn't know."

**"The external wouldn't make a copy of it by itself right? So tell me. Does the external have a brain and two hands?"**

"Didn't I tell you before that my external had a defect? All of the first files that I put there got hidden and I don't know what to do. No matter what I do, I can't find them but they are there so Mikan could you please spare me and give me a pardon?"

**"So the first files YOU PUT there got hidden."**

"Mikan..."

**"The day you talked with her and the day the folder was created. It's the same."**

"Mikan I wanted to delete it hello?"

**"HI?"**

"I'm not dumb to let you keep my things that could get us in trouble Mikan."

**"Hmm."**

"Please don't be angry. I wanted to delete it but my external malfunctioned."

**"I wonder if there are hidden files too on your other external?"**

"I dunno. You could check it if you want to but I'm telling you this. I didn't want to hurt you and I really got no idea that those files were still there."

**"Did you know that I was having a difficulty of breathing when I saw everything? When it was created, what are the other files..."**

"Errr, what are the other files there?"

**"Devil May Cry, with friends, house-"**

"Whoa."

**"-relatives, cars-"**

"How did you find that? All of that was hidden right?"

**"-collection."**

"I can't find those files, promise."

**"Hmm."**

"How did you find them especially that Devil May Cry?"

**"Maybe because I'm a genius? And you aren't?"**

"You're being too obnoxious do you know that? Did you know that I wanted to install that Devil May Cry so badly but I can't see it?"

**"Sorry."**

"And that's the reason why I wanted you to reformat the other external."

**"I already deleted it."**

"WHAT? Why did you delete it? That's my favorite!"

**"Okay, I'll restore it."**

"Yay. Ahm, Mikan? We're fine now, right? Since I'm kind and faithful to you.."

**"Nope."**

"Please?"

**"Hmm. Why would I forgive you? I still need an explanation."**

"I already explained it to you. What more do you want?"

**"The real thing. What really happened?"**

"What really happened when we talked about meeting each other? Is that what you really want to know?

"Mikan? You really didn't believe me don't you? I already told you what happened. I already said what I did, what I said, and what happened. Sigh... You just don't believe what I say, but I just told you the whole truth."

**"What did the two of you talked about?"**

"She said-"

**"How did she say that she wanted to see you and what did you reply to her?"**

"-that she still loves me. I told her, _'Oh, okay. But you hurt me and betrayed me. Do you know that when I love you with all my heart that time, you decided to break it into pieces? I'm already happy with my girlfriend now.'_ And those are my last words."

**"When is that time that you love her with all your heart?"**

"I told her also, _'Don't bug me anymore. I'm happy with Mikan now, so if you won't stop, I'll definitely tell your boyfriend about this.'_ Oh and by the way, I talked harshly with her mother and her. I told them _'All of you are so arrogant. You think highly of yourself yet you're showing that you are illiterate.'_"

**"But you told me that you greeted her nicely and you even called her mother 'mama'?**

"Not really. That's not all what happened. When I got tired of our conversation I said those foul words and I finally let my anger show."

**"What is that 'conversation'?"**

"The greetings. And they even told me that I'm ill-mannered. I told them I don't care about them."

**"I thought you are greeting each other? Why is it about being ill-mannered now? It's as if it is contradicted."**

"After the greetings Mikan, when I said some foul words that's why they told me I'm ill-mannered. I logged out after that."

**"How come she invited you to meet her when after that greeting you fought with them? There's something really wrong on your statement."**

"After the greetings, she told me to meet her but I turned her down and humiliated her, then I talk crap with them."

**"I thought she waited for you when you said 'yes' that you'll meet her?"**

"Waited?"

**"Yes. She even got mad at you."**

"Eh? What I know is I told her some hurtful words and I told her to stop bugging me. I even told her she's a whore. Mikan, can I ask you a question? Why did you change your photo?"

**"So now, I don't know what the truth is. Because. You told me way back one year ago that you let her wait, and after that day, she sent you a message in your messenger. She got angry because you didn't come-"**

"Here's the truth and what you must believe in. I LOVE YOU."

**"-and now you turned her down during your conversation?"**

"Hmmm. Mikan."

**"Are you just making that up?"**

"No, I'm not. The thing is I just can't identify the real thing. What I know is that I turned her down."

**"You didn't, 'cause you said **_**'she told me to she wanted to see me, so I said okay. I let her wait that day and after that, she sent me a message. She was so angry at me. I deleted her in my list then logged out. I don't care about her.'**_**"**

"Ahhh. Now I remember. That's when I turned her down."

**"So? What's the truth now? You're just making that up."**

"No no no. I'm saying what I remember. I didn't make that up."

**"I may tend to forget some things."**

"What things?"

**"But every details concerning your treachery leaves in my heart."**

"I didn't betray you that time. I stayed loyal and swore to love you with all my heart that's why forgive me Mikan.. Please? I don't want us to be arguing, especially when the 13th is near. I told you right? I don't want us fighting/arguing when I get there? So please forgive me..."

**"Whose fault?"**

"I know it's mine and I'm sorry, but I didn't want to make any mistakes."

**"And why make a copy on the day you two talked and why not delete it way back 2009? That's my point in this whole conversation."**

"Errr, I don't know?"

**"Why do you still keep on lying to me? I am getting straight to the point but why don't you? That's what I hate about you."**

"I'm not lying."

**"You tend to avoid this kind of conversation."**

"Because it breaks my heart..."

**"You make up a story or say that you forget it."**

"I'm not making up stories. I try to tell you what I remember."

**"Yes you are."**

"No I'm not."

**"And you're not good at it that's why I know and please be constant. I still trust my memory."**

"Mikan, please don't bring back the past. It hurts a lot. We're already happy here and I love you so much and I know you love me too."

**"So what do I care if we're happy? I want to know everything. I don't want to look like a fool."**

"Mikan, you are not."

**"I want to clarify these confusions."**

"Mikan, here. I turned her down, I didn't do anything with her, I stayed loyal to you, and I love you with my fullest."

**"Tell me about the copy, not her. Please refrain from telling your feelings and avoid using sweet words and reasons, because basically, I don't care. What I need is INFORMATION."**

"Why?"

**"Is it wrong to know why you copied it the day the two of you talked? I'm not staying in this side of mine anymore. I am through of being an innocent and idiotic person. I want to cross your boundaries."**

"I really can't fully remember anything."

**"Don't give me that crap."**

"Hmmm. Wait. I don't know if I intended to ruin their relationship or what."

**"I always stayed silent knowing that you won't tell me anything concerning the past, saying that it hurts."**

"I don't know the real reason. I can't remember. But for sure, I don't love her that much before. Mikan, could you please tell me what you want me to do?"

**"I want to know the reason. Is my question that hard to understand?"**

"Mikan, what can I do? I can't be sure of what to say because honestly, whatever the reason is, I really forgot it. I buried it. I took it off my system. Every bit of the bitch. Tch. You know what? I don't know but, will you get mad at me if I tell you that I am really getting all unsecured?""

**"I'm getting tired of this. I'm not even receiving any statement from you."**

"I don't want you to go with your friends on drinking liquor tomorrow."

**"Why? It's my late birthday celebration."**

"Because you are making me feel unsecured and I don't know what the heck will you do."

**"What do you care?"**

"Oh. What do I care?"

**"Why don't you let me be? Can I have a bit of freedom with my friends? This is only once. Next year I won't see them again. What do you want me to do? I won't celebrate my youth with my friends ever again after this. I'm 19 for hell's sake."**

"I don't want you getting near your boy classmates. But when I was there, I see that you people are very close with each other."

**"You know what? Ugh. Forget it."**

"Tell me. What is it? Tell me. Hey! Tell me."

**"I feel tired of this kind of conversation."**

"What else to you have in mind to tell me, huh?"

**"You bring out topics so that our previous topic will be piled up. In that way, you won't tell me the answer I wanted to hear. I want to tell you simply that I hate it when you can't even trust me. I'm the one who stayed loyal to you in our relationship and this is what I get? You, becoming doubtful on me? I think it should be the other way around."**

"You know why? Because you keep bringing back what I did wrong and I feel guilty about it. I feel very unsecured. I'm scared that because of the things that you are bringing up that you have another purpose in mind. That's why you are getting angry at me.

**"I'm not you."**

"I don't want you to leave me."

**"I'm not trying to bring such topic to break us up. What I only wanted is an answer. The TRUTH."**

"Because of the things that you bring up. I already told you, but you don't believe me. What else could I say? That's why I feel unsecured 'coz you won't believe me even though that I am already telling the truth then you are telling me that you will celebrate with your friends tomorrow with liquor? I know what happens when liquor strikes you and I can't bear to imagine what the heck will you do if the liquor has gotten into you."

**"And? Why are you avoiding the topic again?"**

"I'm not avoiding the topic. I just told you what I said. Now I'm telling you what I feel of what is happening right now."

**"Well, now I feel like I'm not trusted."**

"It's not that I trust you Mikan. I just can't help but to think that you might get tired of me then leave me."

**"I will get tired of you if you don't narrate the TRUTH."**

"Tch. Okay. I don't know but I think I just wanted a copy of my past relationship."

**"And what did you promise me way back 2009?"**

"That I should delete everything, but the last time, when I was still not working, I really intended to delete everything. I promise. I deleted the copy that I have right then."

**"Then why didn't you delete it when I told you to delete it? You said that you didn't save a copy of it. Even in your desktop.** **Why did you lie to me?"**

"I didn't lie. I told you the external malfunctioned right? You saw the files hidden there. One was Devil May Cry, so why will I hide it? I thought everything that is in there was deleted because I can't find it there."

**"So in the first place why did you saved it on March 21, 2010, the time that you two talked? And we talked about not saving any pictures of your past girlfriends in 2009? Tell me, is that how vague my words are to you?"**

"I told you, maybe I wanted a copy. But after that I really intended to erase everything. Your words are solid Mikan, that's why I deleted the remaining copies."

**"You copied it 4 times."**

"4 times? On the same external?"

**"Why still save some pictures if I already told you NOT TO. And no, the picture is like this: copy of ... (4)."**

"Maybe I dragged and dropped it."

**"You told me you didn't save it yet you did. Why did you lie to me?"**

"No. I didn't intend to lie."

**"But you did anyway."**

"I told you I tried to delete everything right? I think I made sure that there are no more files that are saved before I lent you my laptop."

**"All in all, 2009's promise of not saving a picture was broken. Agree?"**

"I guess so. So what now?"

**"Yes or no?"**

"Sigh. Agree. I broke my promise. What now?"

**"Then why deny it before?"**

"I didn't deny it. I was telling you what I remember. I just told you what happened."

**"Does that mean that any promises you make can be not fulfilled in the future?"**

"No. Everything that I promise since I made up my mind, I am making sure that it'll be fulfilled."

**"I am not sure if I can still trust that word so don't blame me if I doubt you more."**

"You know what, I love you so much. If you don't believe it, that's fine. But at least realize every happy moment that we've gone through and all the efforts I made. I won't tell everything but, will you answer one question?

**"What?"**

"Were you happy with me within the past few months? When I am giving you my all?"

**"Yes."**

"Really?"

**"Will I say yes if not?"**

"Then tell me the reason why."

**"Why what?"**

"Tell me why you're happy with me."

**"Because I can see that you give me your all, but I'm a bit unhappy at times."**

"Then why say this: I am not sure if I can still trust that word so don't blame me if I doubt you more."

**"What do you mean?"**

"You are telling me that I'm worthless."

**"Is that it? Do you even know what you're saying?"**

"That's how it got into me."

**"All I want you to know is that I am doubtful of you. It started when you lied to me once."**

"For you to say that, is like saying, whatever I do means nothing to you."

**"Now that I discovered something again, the doubt I have in you increases. Get it?"**

"I got it."

**"The word itself is the meaning. I am not implying something. I am talking to you straight-forwardly because that's the way I want you to talk to me"**

"But, can I really trust you not to play with my feelings? Can I really trust you to not toy with me?"

**"Do I look like a player? Do I look like I'm unfaithful?"**

"How can I trust you if you keep on doubting me?"

**"I have the right to doubt you since you are the one who did wrong."**

"How can I trust you if there is a reason for you to turn your back on me?"

**"Why the hell will I not be trusted? Is it wrong to doubt? If you are sure of yourself, then you will trust me"**

"Not really, but somehow yes. Because right now, it's like you're saying that I will cheat on you anytime soon, which is really the opposite."

"**If you are confident on not lying to me, then you will trust me."**

"Okay. So meaning I should just not lie to you is that it?"

**"Yes. Isn't that what it is supposed to be?"**

"I'm not lying to you, but the thing is you are always getting angry with me."

"**Why? Am I forbidden to feel that way? You broke my heart twice and you're saying that I shouldn't doubt you? Are you serious? Do you even know what you're saying?"**

"I gave everything to you."

"**Are you putting your mind on every word you say? I don't care if you gave me your all cause I gave you my all too but you wasted it."**

"No. I didn't waste it. That's why I love you so much and I'm cherishing you."

"**Now that I turned cold, you want me to go back on being such a crazy girl who is willing to defend you on her best friends? I almost lost a friend, defending you on times that you shouldn't be defended. You were having fun there while I suffer here. Is there any other reason for me to go back to being a coward?"**

"So you are telling me that your friends have more value than I have?"

"**Do you even get what I'm trying to say? The time that I fought with my friend is the time you were two-timing, and I regret that. In the first place, you are the one who is wrong still I blamed my friend for something she didn't do."**

"If haven't had done that, do think we will still be together?"

"**Done what?"**

"You. If you didn't fought with your friend, and if you just believe in her, do you think I will be even be given the chance to love you like this?"

"**You treated me like a trash, and I didn't even see it. I was too blinded by my love for you that I've gone crazy. I almost wasted my life."**

"Are you still being treated like that? Do you still feel that way now?"

"**I should be the one in control but you don't want it."**

"Didn't I make you my queen? You are you are already in control."

"**You want to control me once more and I don't want that."**

"No. I don't want to control you. I want us to be mutual that's all what I'm asking."

"**Sometimes you shout at me when we're talking, not even knowing how to plead. I don't want an equal relationship. I want to reign over."**

"But Mikan, that'll be very unfair for me. That'll make me unhappy. Do you really want me to be unhappy while I'm with you?"

"**Why, are you unhappy being my servant?"**

"I'm happy whenever I'm with you and whenever you boss me around because I think it's kind of sweet, but whenever you get mad at me, it's a different story."

"**Why will I get mad in the first place?"**

"I don't know. When you are disappointed in me?"

"**That's it. You already know the answer."**

"I know it was my fault again. Fine, I'll be your servant. But, I also want you to serve me."

"**No. I'm the queen. You do the job."**

"I'll be a servant with full benefits?"

"**Yes. And please Natsume, watch The Notebook. Take note of the things they say. I want you to know what woman really feels."**

**Mikan's P.O.V.**

It's not wrong to ask someone if you are concerned about something. At least if you do something about it, you won't regret a thing, right?

Sigh, stupid Natsume, lying here and there. I have already seen through him. I wish he wouldn't mind saying anything about his past, because everything about him concerns me. I love him so much that's why I'm being like this. Why won't he see that?

It hurts a lot to know that someone you trust breaks his vow to you. If this small promises are not kept, how bout those with a bigger responsibility?

Do you get my point? And here I have thought of going back to who I am, loving him, giving him my attention, and be kind to him once again.

_I decided to go home, to where my past self is. Instead of taking the right road, I went on a false direction, not seeing that the "ME" I saw there was the "ME" now, the cold, short-tempered, arrogant, and narcissistic Mikan. Is it too late for me to go back to who I really am?_

For such a thing such as broken promises, anyone and anything can change.

In my 19 years of existence, I now realize that change is the only permanent thing in the world.

_And be these juggling friends no more believ'd,_

_That palter with us in a double sense;_

_That keep the word of promise to our ear_

_And break it to our hope._

**-William Shakespeare**

Lesson: Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaiming the following:<strong>

**Diablo II**

**The Notebook**

**I do not own any of them. Thank you for reading such a boring argument.**


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